For Michelle

Posted on | October 21, 2013 | 19 Comments

sisters_pool

I have mentioned that I had an older sister, Michelle. She committed suicide almost 13 years ago. Losing her was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to endure. The constant dull ache of her being gone is something I’ve accepted as a part of my life. Like breathing. But there are times the pain of her absence hits me in the gut, and I’m doubled over in pain with how much I miss her. Like when “I Sing the Body Electric” comes on my iTunes, or I catch a rerun of one of her favorite Seinfelds. Or I’ll wonder if she would like Mumford & Sons or It’s Always Sunny (for the record I think yes to both). Or maybe we’ll be sitting around the kitchen table at my mom’s being superstitious about the Braves, or playing a game or just laughing really, really hard and I’ll stop breathing for a second because it’s so unfair that she’s not with us. She doesn’t know that Margaret’s married or that I live in New York City or that her son plays football and has somehow inexplicably turned into a teenager. I don’t believe she’s in heaven or that she is watching us but I do feel her sometimes because I believe that people live on through those they left behind. And my goodness she left behind a lot of people who loved her to the moon and back. Myself included.

In two weeks I’ll be joined by family and friends in a walk to honor Michelle and to raise money for The American Foundation for Suicide Prevention. If you’d like to donate it would mean the world to me but positive thoughts and virtual hugs are also welcome.

And as always, thanks for reading my friends.

 

Comments

19 Responses to “For Michelle”

  1. Sally
    October 21st, 2013 @ 2:20 pm

    You are a good sister. Michelle was a good sister too. I am glad you are walking to honor her.

  2. martha
    October 21st, 2013 @ 3:00 pm

    lovelovelovelovelove.

  3. Ali
    October 21st, 2013 @ 3:06 pm

    Hugs to you – lots of them.

  4. margaret
    October 21st, 2013 @ 3:30 pm

    Oh good, now I’m crying.

    Love you sis!

  5. Amy@OldSweetSong
    October 21st, 2013 @ 5:02 pm

    @Sally, marth, Ali and Merg – So much love back to y’all. xo

  6. Camilla
    October 21st, 2013 @ 8:32 pm

    That is lovely. I have to hope that she is with us. I have felt her sometimes…

  7. Mrs. Kinne
    October 21st, 2013 @ 11:51 pm

    I can’t imagine the pain you feel, but it must be awful. Sending lots of Internet love.

  8. Amy@OldSweetSong
    October 22nd, 2013 @ 8:07 pm

    @Camilla – I know what you mean. And me too.

  9. Amy@OldSweetSong
    October 22nd, 2013 @ 8:07 pm

    @Mrs. Kinne – Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

  10. T
    October 23rd, 2013 @ 5:41 pm

    I love you, precious tiger.

  11. T
    October 23rd, 2013 @ 5:42 pm

    PS. That pic for best pic of all time/reason photos were invented?

  12. Amy@OldSweetSong
    October 24th, 2013 @ 3:13 pm

    @T – YOU ARE. Also, agreed. Best pic in history of pics. So much joy in it.

  13. Cathy Bradshaw
    October 26th, 2013 @ 12:50 am

    Michelle had an infectious smile. Boundless creativity. Warmth beyond words. I think of her often. I will be walking to remember Michelle and to honor her family. Love to each of you.

  14. Terry Sagedy
    October 26th, 2013 @ 11:26 am

    “Walk on, walk on, with hope in your hearts, and you’ll never walk alone.” She IS with you. My best to all of you.

  15. Amy@OldSweetSong
    October 26th, 2013 @ 8:54 pm

    @Cathy – Thanks for the kind words. Looking forward to walking together!

  16. Amy@OldSweetSong
    October 26th, 2013 @ 8:55 pm

    @Terry – Great quote. Perfect for our upcoming walk. Thanks you!

  17. Shoko
    October 30th, 2013 @ 1:20 am

    thinking of you, amy. sending you love!

  18. Amy@OldSweetSong
    October 30th, 2013 @ 4:20 pm

    @Shoko – Thank you, dear Shoko. Means a lot. xo

  19. Pam Raper (@pkraper)
    November 5th, 2013 @ 7:23 pm

    My heart ached reading this post, as I can’t imagine losing any of my siblings. Least of all my sister. What an great way to honor the memory of your sister. Virtual hugs-a-plenty!

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