The Dating Files: The Physical Side of Things
Posted on | June 22, 2012 | 7 Comments
This is kind of a racy post. Even for me.
But you knew it was coming, right? I mean how much longer could I possibly go on and on about dating without even mentioning sex?! It’s an important part of dating and of any relationship. Although sometimes I wonder if I place too much emphasis on sex. Because if it’s not ship-shape in that department I think you should cut your loses and run the other way as fast as you can. An active and open sex life is important to me and I have learned (the hard way) I can’t be with someone who doesn’t feel the same way. I wonder if maybe I focus too much on the physical side of things. It’s not the only thing matters, obviously. But I happen to think it’s VERY important and you can’t force the magic in that department.
There are people who you instantly have amazing chemistry with like on a biological level and that’s always really (really) fun. But there’s an argument to be made for the fact that sometimes you can achieve great chemistry with people who you weren’t initially attracted to in that way. There are guys who kind of grow on you. Maybe you didn’t want to rip their clothes off during the first date but the physical chemistry can be a slow and surprisingly awesome burn. I’m trying to remain open to that as an option so I don’t let any great dudes slip through the cracks.
I have realized that passion and chemistry are important to me. And this is something I know about myself so as I continue to date and see what’s out there I make sure to keep that in mind. I don’t think it has to be all fireworks immediately. But I can’t imagine a life without great sex. I just can’t. How about y’all? I want to know much how important do you think it is?
Alright. This racy post is over! And now let’s go have racy weekends. Those are the best kinds, right?
xo
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7 Responses to “The Dating Files: The Physical Side of Things”
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June 22nd, 2012 @ 3:27 pm
I don’t need to have instant chemistry on the first date, but I damn well better half instant chemistry the first time we have sex.
So, with my husband, the example I constantly come back to, the fireworks weren’t there on the first date. But by the time we slept together, they were there. I waited for them or I doubt it would have been the wonderful night it was. He would not stop kissing me. I’d be about to fall asleep and there he’d be again. My lips were numb the whole next day.
June 22nd, 2012 @ 3:32 pm
Yup! Yup to everything you shared and said.
June 22nd, 2012 @ 3:34 pm
Chemistry, yes. Passion, yes. Those are definitely things that one needs in a relationship. And if sex is something that is very important to you, you shouldn’t settle on that. It’s something that’s important to me, too, but I’ve learned a lot about it’s role in a relationship over the years.
I guess what I’m meaning to say is that sex is probably the biggest thing that changes over the course of a relationship. If you are planning to be with someone indefinitely, you will potentially hit lots of milestones/turning points in your relationship. To me, married sex is different than dating sex was. Having sex pre-kids vs. post-kids is different. And I’m sure as I get older and my biological needs change, so, too, will the sex I’m having change. It’s the things that make me want to have sex with someone that should be the most important things to consider… because those are usually the things that don’t change (like if he’s witty, passionate, determined, caring, thoughtful). Those are the things that I have found sustain relationships and can keep me happen if the sex-department hits a road bump or dry spell for whatever reason (and can get my sex-engines revving again!). Sex just for the sake of getting off or having sex kind of feels like a rookie move.
June 22nd, 2012 @ 4:00 pm
@melissa – I think sometimes the sexual attraction can be a little slower for us gals because (at least for me) the sex is much better once I’m emotionally attracted to them.
@ Deanna – I do have an idea of what you’re talking about as I was in a long term relationship. Sex definitely changes and you go through phases. No one can maintain the sex-crazy beginning phase of a relationship. You would be too tired!! But that’s why (for me) it needs to be off the chain in the beginning. And it’s not just about getting off, sex is never like that for me. I have to be attracted to all of them in order to even want to have sex with them. But you can learn a lot about a man from how he is in bed. And I think generally sex is a pretty good barometer of the relationship. But, then again, what do I know? ; )
June 22nd, 2012 @ 7:20 pm
so. important. obvs not the most important thing. i dig what you say about the slow burn. but bad sex? so bad. can’t get past it.
June 25th, 2012 @ 8:24 pm
@erin – I know. It’s the absolute worst. Ever.
June 28th, 2012 @ 6:43 pm
This part (and every other part) of any relationship changes over time. You simply aren’t going to be as hot for someone you have seen naked for 20 years as you were the first year. So the priority of its importance in the big scheme of things goes down. Im guess what Im saying is that I would say its just one factor to consider. Certainly bad sex is a deal breaker but if it wasn’t earth shattering, I wouldn’t toss him for that reason alone.