The Dating Files: The Slow Fade Out

Posted on | May 25, 2012 | 6 Comments

{image via Life Magazine archive}

There’s something I’ve noticed in my on-going dating adventures. It usually happens around the third date and I call it the slow fade out. It’s happened enough times for me to have named it and it’s exactly what it sounds like. Him or me or both of us just sort of lose interest and stop communicating. Sometimes it’s a slow taper and sometimes it’s a little more sudden but it always ends in a way that feels a tad bit abrupt and oddly unfinished. Now these “things” haven’t been going on long enough to garner any sort of conversation from either party but it is a strange, re-occurring thing. And I think it happens around the third date because that actually marks a turning point. By the third date you’re starting to have a real idea about who this person is. And it feels like a step, like “okay let’s do this “dating” thing. Or not.”

So I’ve been landing on the “or not” side of things lately and the slow fade out has become a pretty standard part of this whole process. And I haven’t lost any sleep (or tears) over these s.f.o’s but to go from what seemed like warmish to ice cold so quickly makes you wonder, are men just crazy? Fickle? Do they really adhere to the out of sight out of mind rule? Or is it the age old answer of “he’s just not that into you?” Of course, I haven’t been all that into any of them, either. If I’m not leading the slow fade out, I quickly become a willing participant. Because the men who’ve seemed promising on the first date always seem less so by the third. And isn’t it supposed to be the other way around? Shouldn’t getting to know them make me more excited and more into them?

I’m really hoping when that happens I’ll know it. Something will feel different. And neither of us will pull the old slow fade out move. Because hopefully, we’ll want to hang out with each other for awhile. Yes that sounds simple enough. But I’m learning that finding somebody I’d like to hang out with for awhile is harder than it sounds. And don’t even get me started on finding someone to hang out with for forever. Egad.

{Image by Jenny of Hank & Hunt on design editor. Found via Cyd from The Sweetest Occasion‘s on pinterest}

So that’s what I’ve got for you today. I continue to look and see what’s out there and hope and of course laugh and have fun and smile. That’s probably the most important thing, right? And with that, I’ll wish you a Happy Holiday Weekend. I hope it’s full of fun and festivity and that super awesome feeling that marks the unofficial start of summer. Hoo. Ray.





6 Responses to “The Dating Files: The Slow Fade Out”

  1. Ashley
    May 25th, 2012 @ 3:24 pm

    It has a name! I felt this way for soooooooo long while online dating. And in my own little world, I thought it was just happening to me. I’ve gotten past one of those s.f.o. experiences to bf/gf status, but I was practically jumping up and down in my chair reading this.

  2. Amy@OldSweetSong
    May 25th, 2012 @ 3:54 pm

    Yay. I was practically jumping up and down in my chair reading your comment. I’m equally glad to hear that it’s not just me. But of course it’s not US, right?!

  3. Mandy
    May 25th, 2012 @ 6:21 pm

    YEP. Yep yep yep. This was totally my experience with online dating too. And finding someone you actually want to hang out with is SO HARD. Yes, there are plenty of nice guys in the world who are perfectly pleasant and fine, but finding one who goes beyond that takes for freaking ever. Ugh.

  4. Brandi {not your average ordinary}
    May 27th, 2012 @ 7:58 pm

    I just did the slow fade out on someone recently. I kinda felt bad about it, but sometimes that’s the best route to go.

    But I think when the right situation comes along, it will be easy. And worth it.

  5. Liz
    May 28th, 2012 @ 11:52 pm

    Yes! I went through this as well on match (& okcupid). Online dating is so fascinating — it comes with it’s own set of expectations and rules. I’m a fan of online dating, but I do think it can be especially tough. Men (& you too without a doubt) have a lot of options, a lot of conversations going at the same time, and I think it takes A LOT to take the next step (which is what date 3-4 implies, you’re going down that road). You have to forget about all of those other ppl, all of those other potentials. And I think men can be especially bad with this. Maybe I’m wrong, but the good news is that once you do get to the bf/gf status it means a helluva lot! I’ve had two 6 month+ relationships from match, and they were pretty meaningful & intense. But between those, I probably went on 50+ dates. You just have to keep at it! You’re a lovely sparkly girl and you’ll meet that guy, or not, who will forget the options and go for you! I’m certain.

  6. Amy@OldSweetSong
    May 29th, 2012 @ 2:10 pm

    @Liz – what a fantastic comment! Yes, I couldn’t agree with you more about online dating coming with it’s own set of expectations and rules. Plus add New York City to that, which really is it’s own beast. And you’ve got a pretty fantastic (and weird) situation. I just went on a date and the guy was telling me his theory: that people are always assuming that something better is just around the corner. Which I thought was interesting and maybe a little bit true. But I really want to have my socks (at least) partially knocked off. So I have to hope that THERE ACTUALLY is something better around the corner.

Leave a Reply