The Dating Files: Having a “Type”
Posted on | February 24, 2012 | 30 Comments
Question: do you have “a type?” You know, a certain type of guy that you always fall for? When I was younger I liked big, southern, beer drinking dudes. Gents who probably played football (or were at least built for it) and were probably in fraternities. This sort of fell by the wayside in my late 20′s because I moved to New York and you don’t come across too many of those types up here. I sort of shifted my type to fit the NYC demographic better. They were still big and bearded but they wore glasses and were sensitive (aka damaged). And, as many of you know, that certainly didn’t work out either.
So now, as I face the many, many possible dates that exist out there in the dating world, I am trying (very hard) to be open to gents who aren’t my “type.” I’ll always be a sucker for men who are tall with broad shoulders (I like feeling like a tiny lady. So sue me.) And I’ll always adore a man who can make me laugh. That’s one of the things that can make your girl here weak in the knees. There are more qualities I’m attracted to, of course. Smart, witty, sweet, sharp, liberal, food appreciator, etc. But, for right now, I’m trying to keeping an open mind. I’ll just see what (or who, rather) the universe delivers to me. And then I will take it from there.
So far I’ve been on dates with tall guys (they are my favorites, after all) and not so tall guys. Thin guys and big guys, and some in betweens. I’ve been out with comedians. And Jeopardy winners. And vegetarians. And guys with beards. And bike riders. And even a republican (gulp!)…
The point is, maybe the love of my life won’t be “my type.” And that’s why keeping an open mind is so incredibly important. Because you never know who you’re going to fall in love with, right? That being said, I have TWO dates this weekend with gents who are both big and bearded. Old habits die hard, huh?
p.s. What is your type? Try to narrow it down to three words and leave it in the comment section. Here’s mine in a nutshell: big, beard-y, funny. Your turn!
p.p.s. Happy Weekend. xo
p.p.p.s. I don’t kid around when it comes to my type – check out these: bearded men and tall/funny men that I love.
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30 Responses to “The Dating Files: Having a “Type””
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February 24th, 2012 @ 1:28 pm
Hmmm…My type is definitely smart. Bearded is a plus. And a gentleman.
I’ve dated a range of guys too. One shorter than me. One Confederate (I should have seen why that one wouldn’t work out earlier). A Disney-obsessed non-practicing Jewish guy. An Italian-American. I’ve tried to be open, but from now on I’m demanding the guys I date be smart and gentlemen. The bearded really is just an awesome plus.
February 24th, 2012 @ 1:42 pm
Love this. Mine is short, dark thug. xo
February 24th, 2012 @ 2:02 pm
Wealthy. Compassionate. Redhead.
I don’t know what it is about redheads. They get me every time. From strawberry blondes to dark auburns, they’ve all been fun.
I would list “smart,” but from my dating experience those that were wealthy were also smart/witty. And call me shallow but I like a guy who can take care of his lady.
Also, any Republican I dated seemed to be more kinky/wilder in bed than the dems/liberals. Just sayin’.
February 24th, 2012 @ 2:03 pm
smart, shy, open-minded
Smart is most important. I tend to sway towards the shy, quiet ones, which makes striking up conversation next to impossible. Open-minded as in adventurous, as in open to spontaneity, as in capable of trying new food. Stopped seeing someone once after they told me they only ate hamburgers and pizza. No vegetables. Ever. Period. They were so stubborn about it too. A life without Indian food? No thanks.
I like broad shoulders too. I want to feel small. I’ve dated narrow-shouldered, same size as me guys, and it was doomed to failure. Mine didn’t start out beared, but sometimes he has a Winter beard. It’s like a new Winter husband!
February 24th, 2012 @ 2:03 pm
bearded, not beared…
he has never been a bear
February 24th, 2012 @ 2:29 pm
I love hearing about y’alls types.
@Brandi – It’s smart to demand a few things. At this point in my life, after all my failed relationships, I’m demanding well-adjusted.
@karey – I love you.
@Deanna – Ain’t no shame in that game. You should be taken care of!
@Melissa – Agreed. In my experience if they are really funny, they are usually really smart. So if I find a funny one then I get smart as a bonus. Hooray! And a picky eater is such an unattractive quality in a man.
February 24th, 2012 @ 2:52 pm
Before I got married, I dated tall guys and short guys, thin and bigger guys, but I love that my husband is just a few inches taller than I am (5’5″)and compact.
February 24th, 2012 @ 4:22 pm
ryan gosling lookalikes. that’s about it.
February 24th, 2012 @ 4:24 pm
@forefrontfash – Excellent answer.
February 24th, 2012 @ 6:33 pm
I think you know but mine is – blond, Irish (or English, Scottish, welsh, Australian, etc) and baby-faced. Every damn time…
February 24th, 2012 @ 6:46 pm
smart, artistic, kind-yet-tough
By smart I mean that the guy must have something to “teach” me. It can be stuff on a different culture, a different country, it can be math, anything I don’t know much about. There is nothing I find sexier. A guy can be my nemesis, but if he can surprise me with serious analytical skills, I will be inevitably attracted.
Artistic-wise, I am definitely a sucker for musicians. Especially guitar players, having been in a band myself. The man MUST have some musical skills and be capable of enjoying good music, regardless of the genre.
By kind-yet-tough, he is the type of person that will go camping, do rock climbing, go on hikes, have a dark, sarcastic sense of humor… yet, is the type of person that will go out of his way to help others, has a good heart and is tolerant and respectful.
May I just say, my husband is a chef (I cannot cook to save my life), who plays the saxophone, and I met him at the Boy Scouts
He is also the skinniest, geeky-est man I have met. He is from the US, I am from Mexico. I adore him.
February 24th, 2012 @ 6:47 pm
tan, belly, innocent.
That doesn’t make much sense, but I do like darker skin (like italians or mexicans) and I like when they are a little heavy, though I like em short and I like the ones that are not major daters. Also, similar socioeconomic backgrounds is a major plus. I’m really tired of going for a guy that wants to take care of me- I want them to want me for me. I want more of an equal. This is a fun post, I am really challenging myself to be the person I would want to date. And for me, that means resisting the dates and waiting.
February 24th, 2012 @ 9:29 pm
smart, funny, nerdy
February 24th, 2012 @ 9:30 pm
This is so fascinating! “Innocent” “Kind-yet-tough”"baby faced”
There is such a variety. I want to make a big pie chart or some sort of info graphic. But maybe I should take a nap instead?
February 24th, 2012 @ 9:40 pm
Adventurous, ambitious and indendent-but-a-little-needy
Definitely nap, I am about to do that!
February 24th, 2012 @ 9:41 pm
Nap like the wind! Nap enough for both of us!
February 25th, 2012 @ 4:12 am
Artistic, affectionate, well-rounded. That was just off the top of my head…I’m sure I’m forgetting some biggies
February 25th, 2012 @ 4:30 pm
Affectionate is a good one, Shoko.
February 25th, 2012 @ 5:36 pm
You know, I always hated the question ‘what’s your type” because I could never pin it down. I dated tall, short, chunky, skinny, nerds, jocks. The whole gamut. I definitely had a ‘type’ phase after living in Japan. I was only attracted to asians. That really limited my picks.
The one thing they all had in common though was the fact that they made me laugh. That was always a huge one. But all the others lacked what my fiance has – open mind, affectionate, appreciative, fun, smart, makes me feel loved, sensitive, outgoing, ambitious, down to earth, absolutely zero drama, open, easy-going….the list goes on
But yeah, getting back to on topic. Definitely go for guys who are outside your typical type. You never know what gems lay around
February 26th, 2012 @ 3:10 am
You and I pretty much have the same type, except I could take or leave the bearded thing. I’m going to say big/tall, funny, and open-minded. I like guys who are into trying stuff. (That sounded dirty, but I didn’t mean it that way.)
That said, a lot of the guys I went out with in my 2-year journey were outside of that type. My only real requirement was funny. Both that he made me laugh, and I made him laugh. Because who wants a guy who’s just looking for an audience all the time?
It happens that Seth, the one I ended up with, is pretty much textbook my-type, but it easily could have gone another way.
February 26th, 2012 @ 3:13 am
Also, the only reason I care about the tall thing is that I’m kind of an Amazon. I’m 5’10″ and I like to wear heels. But it’s funny- I dated a guy from OKCupid who was 6’6″, the only person I’ve ever dated who was more than three inches taller than me, and I have to say it was kind of a pain in the ass. I thought it was going to be all romantic and stuff but mostly it made my neck hurt.
February 26th, 2012 @ 4:46 pm
@ Emily – As I continue through this process it’s becoming clear to me that I agree with you funny really is the most important. With a close second of happy or at least well adjusted. And 6’6″ is tall, girl! I’d be into trying that though. 6’2″ – 6’3″ is the perfect height for me. (p.s. I owe you an email response and it’s coming) xo
February 26th, 2012 @ 10:20 pm
Here’s what I ended up with: attentive, well-liked, funny
attentive – I’m not going to fight for his attention. If he likes me, he had to be able to show it.
well-liked – This was my way of weeding out the bad ones. If he didn’t have many friends, I figured there was a reason why.
funny – At the end of the day, that’s all you have, especially in a long-term relationship or marriage.
I guess if I had had a type prior to my husband, the only requirement would have been that he was out of my league. That would explain why my husband was my first real relationship. He was not someone I would have thought twice about in my past. I pretty much thank (blame) God for hooking the two of us up. Neither of us had our shit together enough to take credit for finding each other. I’m pretty sure it was divine intervention.
But just know that finding each other isn’t where the story ends. Marriage is so hard even with the right person. But if you’re lucky and work really hard, it’s the best thing ever. Most days…!
February 27th, 2012 @ 1:03 pm
I always thought my type was tall and pretty nerdy (as in, a pretty nerd…not the kind that have one eyebrow). Then I met my fiance and he doesn’t fit into my type at all. He’s actually a couple inches shorter than me, Vietnamese and kind of a sports guy! What!?! But he’s smart and caring and makes me laugh…and when it really comes down to it, that’s what matters. I never imagined myself with a bilingual Asian guy who loves watching football (bleh!), but I’m more than happy with who I ended up with.
February 27th, 2012 @ 2:44 pm
I met my husband very young but he was the absolute opposite of my type. 15 years later, things are looking pretty good
Good luck!
February 27th, 2012 @ 3:23 pm
@forefrontfash go to the Richardson Bar on Graham Ave. in Brooklyn sometime (especially Friday nights). Ask for Cody. You’re welcome.
February 27th, 2012 @ 5:08 pm
@Jessica & Mrs. Limestone- stories like that are exactly why I am keeping an open mind!
@Deanna – I’m on my way there. Right. Now.
February 27th, 2012 @ 9:13 pm
We have the same type! Do you like brooding writers? Oh, my knees go weak for them. So when my tall skinny European un-athletic now husband walked into the room, I had to close my eyes to that vs. what I always dreamt about … and now I think he’s the cutest thing in the world! Can’t even imagine a writer or a footballer in my life.
February 27th, 2012 @ 9:22 pm
Yes Denise. I love writers!
June 19th, 2012 @ 8:54 pm
toned (different from bulky), dorky, and
bad-ASS:)