Introducing: The Dating Files
Posted on | February 10, 2012 | 29 Comments
If you’ve been reading this blog since the beginning you have been through two breakups with me. (Ay yi yi. Can’t this girl catch a break?!) And some of you have sweetly inquired in tweets and emails and various other forms of communication about the status of my love life. So, in an effort to get a teensy weensy bit more personal here (but not too personal) I’m going to start sharing a few of my dating adventures/thoughts and feelings here with you. Because we are cool like that.
So to catch you up. I’ve been single for a few months now and I am in the throes of online dating. Now, this is not my first foray in to this crazy world. The two aforementioned (and failed) relationships came from meeting online so I am no stranger to it. Some people have a staunch no online dating policy, but I find it to be an easy way to meet available men and go on dates. And isn’t that sort of the point of being single?
I’m not against meeting someone out in the real world (at a bar or the grocery store or wherever people meet these days) but I don’t like the idea of sitting around waiting for that to happen. So, for me, online dating is a nice way to find lots (and lots) of single men. I’ve been on plenty of dates. Some have been really great, some good and some have just been meh. But I guess I’ve been lucky (knock on wood) because there haven’t been any freaks thus far. Every gent I’ve met has been nice and some have even been cute and funny and smart and interesting.
I’m not gonna lie it’s tiring. Dating can be like a full-time job and sometimes you go on lots of dates in order to find the gems. But, and I know I’m in the minority here, I kind of like it. I like putting on a pretty dress and lipstick. I like conversation over cocktails. I like laughing and flirting. I like all of it. Now, I don’t want to do it forever. But, if this is the work I have to put in to find a nice boy to fall in love with, I’m more than willing.
So will you join me as I search for a nice boy in New York City? Welcome to The Dating Files my friends.
So here’s my inaugural Dating Files post, a quick cheat sheet style breakdown of the various online dating sites out there. **Please refer to this at your own risk as it is based on nothing more than my own somewhat limited experiences coupled with my blind speculations and judgemental presumptions. But have any of you tried online dating? Did you have any festive, fun experiences? Any nightmarish dates? I want details. NOW. And lastly, be sure and have a happy weekend wouldja? xo
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29 Responses to “Introducing: The Dating Files”
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February 10th, 2012 @ 2:46 pm
I like this! I’m glad you are having fun and I look forward to reading…
February 10th, 2012 @ 2:52 pm
I haven’t done it myself (no need, thankfully), so take my advice with a grain of salt, but have you tried How About We (www.howaboutwe.com)? NYC-based and seems like a fun way to meet people!
-LR
February 10th, 2012 @ 2:52 pm
I haven’t done it myself (no need, thankfully), so take my advice with a grain of salt, but have you tried How About We (www.howaboutwe.com)? NYC-based and looks like a fun way to meet people. -LR
February 10th, 2012 @ 2:56 pm
I met my husband on chemistry.com. I think it’s affiliated to match.com, not sure it’s poor man’s match, since it probably costs the same, no? I was drawn to it because it wasn’t match.com, which I think of as the chlamydia of online dating, and it wasn’t eharmony, which I think of as the WWJD of online dating. It was sort of in the middle – the privacy of eharmony (your profile isn’t blasted into the interwebs for any and all to see), but not as arduous to join as eharmony – think short answer rather than essay question.
BUT, I met two freaks before I met Tony. That was out of four guys I met total from this site. So, the odds may not be that good. However, I don’t live in NYC. Maybe more people are psychotic here – highly likely.
February 10th, 2012 @ 2:59 pm
I tried match too, when I lived in Arizona. The guys just seemed really skeevy… but, I was 23-24. Maybe it was an age thing.
February 10th, 2012 @ 3:23 pm
@Smith & Ratliff – I actually have heard of that but totally forgot about it until right now! I will check it out. Thanks for the reminder.
@melissa – Ha. I agree about match. Something about it is just gross. So maybe I will give chemistry.com a chance. 1 in 4 is not bad odds, btw.
February 10th, 2012 @ 3:32 pm
Well, I meant the 2 out of 4 being totally WEIRD… one had never kissed a girl before, much less had a girlfriend, and one was so rude and bizarre I walked out on him. (Although, I did have a guy talk about prostitutes at bachelor parties on a match.com date, so bad dates aren’t restricted to chemistry.com dudes.) A lot of the guys I was matched up with, though didn’t necessarily meet, were software engineers or scientists… I don’t know if that was a regional thing, a ME-thing (I do like me a geeky scientist), or if they are over-represented in the site’s population. Good luck! I have a couple funny stories and an adorable, geeky little husband for my troubles.
February 10th, 2012 @ 3:35 pm
I tried eHarmony before Marc – very labor intensive, but it yielded more dates than I’d gotten on Match 2 years earlier. Also, yes, it can be very expensive, but I searched online for a coupon code before signing up and managed to get 3 months for like $30 or something, which you can basically break even on after 2 dates, so it’s not that bad.
February 10th, 2012 @ 3:36 pm
@melissa – I’d say you did alright then. And yes, shitty dates aren’t exclusive to any one site or even to online dating in general. Shitty dates are just part of the process. But I kind of can’t believe that a) you went on a date with someone who had never kissed a girl and b) he told you that fact! An adorable, geeky little (but really 6’3″) husband sounds pretty good to me.
February 10th, 2012 @ 3:37 pm
@Karen – what about the conservative/Christian thing? You know they don’t allow gay couples which makes me real uncomfie.
February 10th, 2012 @ 3:45 pm
Ha! He’s 5’10″, but I’m 5’4″, so he’s tall enough for me!
We went out three times before the other kid told me he’d never kissed a girl. Why did I go out with him three times? He was sweet (and would have been cute if someone put normal clothes on him), and I felt so bad for him! I was trying to help him not be afraid of girls. It was social work.
Okay, I’m going to stop hijacking your comments now. Your topic struck a chord, and I also don’t want to start writing a technical report on topics I don’t understand.
February 10th, 2012 @ 4:22 pm
girrrrrrl. met my hubs on match. my longtime BFF met her hubs on match, too. bottom line: there are gems and duds on EVERY site. you just gotta snoot out those diamonds in the rough (or should i say, amongst the rough!).
February 10th, 2012 @ 4:26 pm
@Melissa- I’ve done my fair of social work style dating as well. I am so. done. with. that.
@jen- You are so right! I’ve just got to keep looking. LBH, it’s kinda hard out here for a pimp.
February 10th, 2012 @ 4:40 pm
Ha! You make me laugh! I have an idea, move to San Francisco and date me!
February 10th, 2012 @ 5:03 pm
@Ash NOW that sounds like a plan. Cutest couple ever?
February 10th, 2012 @ 6:03 pm
I love this post, Amy! I spent a lot of time online dating as well (and had 2 serious relationships as a result), and I think it can be a great thing. Why sit around and wait? Here’s the funniest thing that ever happened to me:
http://blisslistsf.tumblr.com/post/12185066505/anewlow
Try not to hug your waiter by mistake, ok?
February 10th, 2012 @ 6:10 pm
@Liz – that is the best thing that’s ever happened.
February 10th, 2012 @ 9:07 pm
Good luck, Amy! I’ve never tried online dating but have heard many funny/horror/success stories. Thanks for taking us along for the ride
If I come across any good tips (or a cute, single, normal guy for that matter!) I will definitely send them your way.
February 10th, 2012 @ 11:41 pm
@Melissa – sounds like a plan!
February 11th, 2012 @ 12:33 am
Oooh! I look forward to these posts! Tried match and eharmony. A friend met her husband on match and another on eharmony. For me, match was nothing but weirdo after weirdo. I walked out on one date (he got drunk and abusive to the waiter). Eharmony was a little better but not much (one guy did actually want to meet on a church date). I’ve sworn off online for now.
February 11th, 2012 @ 2:01 am
I LOVE that you’re doing this. I’ve tried online dating in the past and met two boyfriends that way. These days, I encourage others to do it, but I can’t handle it right now. It really is like a full time job and I’m too busy. A few weeks ago I started to fill out an Ok Cupid profile and just couldn’t manage to find a way to make myself seem witty. I don’t know. Maybe I need some more of the old fashioned serendipitous flirting first.
February 11th, 2012 @ 10:26 pm
Who the hell would name a dating site Zoosk?
I once went on a date via online and it was (hold your gasp) through Craigslist. Surprisingly it wasn’t that bad, but I didn’t follow through for other boy reasons.
February 12th, 2012 @ 4:36 pm
Can’t wait to follow along on your adventures! Best of luck – I’ll be rooting for you!
February 12th, 2012 @ 6:43 pm
@Stacee – I can’t say I blame you. All it takes is a few bad eggs to ruin the bunch. Maybe I’ll have good luck and it will inspire you to try it again.
@Brandi – Nothing beats old fashioned serendipitous flirting. And that’s a fact.
@Tan – I gasped. Fully. Out loud. But you lived to tell about it so good for you.
@Shoko – Thank you. I’ll take any and all rooting and/or positive vibes.
February 13th, 2012 @ 1:05 pm
I met my fiance on…prepare yourself to gasp again…craigslist! Crazy, I know. But it worked out, we’ll have been together 4 years this May and we’re getting married May ’13. Now, that’s not to say I didn’t have a bunch of strange guys email me, but I only responded to a few non-weirdos. It’s a different process entirely though. Antoine and I emailed back and forth for a month (constantly) before we had our first date.
February 13th, 2012 @ 3:39 pm
@Jessica – Congratulations on your upcoming wedding! And I say WHO THE EFF CARES how you met, as long as you did and you’re happy. But Craigslist. Wow.
February 14th, 2012 @ 1:02 am
I met my husband on eHarmony! And so did a few other friends. I love taking quizzes so if you do, too, then you’ll love it. It’s involved but the people are quality. I think it’s for people who are serious (I hate that word) about finding someone. It’s not religious at all. I also did Match here and there and have to say it’s the equivalent of a ’70s pickup bar. One friend used it just to hookup when she was in the mood. You’ll love it for the stories you’ll tell in your autobiography one tell (or here!) because they might be that crazy. I once read that something like 40% of the men on Match are in another relationship and use it for sleeping around. That’s just what I heard! Don’t quote me. Have fun!
February 14th, 2012 @ 5:58 pm
@DENISE – You really have me thinking I should try eharmony. I have yet to get back on match.com and I’m thinking I probably won’t. I have enough stories for my autobiography.
June 15th, 2012 @ 2:11 pm
[...] And now that I’ve used them all (or tried to) I feel I can offer more detailed advice than I originally did. Here we go. Despite it’s “okstupid” nickname, this is the site that has led to the most [...]